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Fet Gede 2008, the journey continues...
First, when I was just barely introduced to the LWA, from a long ago, 8 years or somewhere around then, my husband decided he needed to communicate with Oggu. An informal kind of ceremony was performed and though I barely recalled how it went down, other than him plummeting to the ground that night, stirring me out of what I thought at the time was a trance like state. I knew nothing of possession of the LWA either. It wasn’t until Sister Alyssa brought Fet Gede to us that I would have thought much more past the Oggu working. Naturally, my curiousity of the Dead, and how the Dead and Death influenced much of my personal path, dating to my teenage experiences, I was very intrigued and Greg and I packed up and went to the Land Trust that night. Needless, to say, Bill made mention to me once of me getting up and dancing to the beat of the drums which I don’t recall, but I do recall speaking to one of my deceased brothers, his death having a tremendous impact in my life as a young teen through which probably even so today; I had never spoken to Robbie prior to his death though I was 11 when he died, because of my father’s relationship with him. Nevertheless, Robbie, first communicated to me as a teenager waking me from a sleep at the age of 15 (he frequently visited my father’s sleep as well) and at that moment it would then open occult curiosities that led me where I am now. So, that was my first step into the Occult but at the land trust it was my first awareness of communicating to the LWA in particular Gede.
So, some 6 years later, and past many more communications with more LWA, last year, 2007 marked an extremely important point in my life. That year, the lwa chose me to do the role that I had been doing along in the previous years, and people in need and direction and needed answers that I couldn’t answer on some human level were put in front of me, as a test and I knew it was a test. I had closed the door to many of those people before in the past, but I knew I was going to suffer if I didn’t perform the task of helping those individuals at that moment. So I did just that. Within a month, my father died unexpectantly, well, I knew the night he went to the hospital that he was not going to make it much longer, but I was giving him at least 10 years… At any rate, as I stood behind my mother, as she and I with a few of our family members guided him to the other side, I was letting go all the torment of my past life, watching the last gasps of breath, at the same moment holding my mother for her support, as she held the man she loved for 27 years. My next duty, was to be a mother to my 14 year old son who idolized that man as he struggled to deal with his very first loss. Motherhood… Gede… Death…
So, the following months, I was made to remember, my immediate family, I was made to remember that the loss not only was a relief to me that I needed to let go of, but also that there were some in our family that dealt with that on a very different if not more normal level than me. The emotions of death that I felt were not the same as everyone else, when I felt anger, it was because, it was 100 times larger for depriving me of a sibling while growing up, when I felt denial, it was because, the thought of living one more day with this torment was enough for me to take the knife to my own throat. I was walking a different path to heal old wounds, and my father’s death marked a turning point in that healing process. Needless, to say, I had some personal issues to work through this year.
So, this year, I knew the role I was taking, and I knew I wanted more mambo’s and houngan’s to do this with. We went into this looking at the same ceremony we had always worked, but almost from the start, I felt the LWA wanted something more, wanted something different. That’s shortly when we fell short of people helping with the ritual, and anyone having the funds to have for personal offerings, etc. I trusted the LWA would show us just what to do. Just a day before we lost an officer, and I knew right then and there it was a sign that we were in for something new altogether. I had talked about the feast and a sacrifice to the LWA, and taking this one step closer to tradition. As close as we can get to not being Haitian that is… lol. So, ducks in a row, a new ceremony in place, and we are off. Ten minutes down the road, and 4 hours from home, I realize I have no clothes to wear, that I was SO caught up in making sure that the Houngans had what they needed, I forgot the things I needed. Lol. No biggie, I thought, just another test. So I go shopping in unfamiliar territory, yea adventure. I eventually in no time at all find something white. As I am walking to the register, oh look, cute new bra grab it, it’s the last one on the shelf. (Did I mention that the previous stores I went to had nothing white, but purple and black…)
So, I get back, all is going smoothly with set up, I was thinking, Hey, Gede, is going to show us just what we need this year. Little bit later, an offering showed up… The land owners in the area, offered us a sacrifice… Gede was gracious, and very pleased… As the night progressed, the ceremony followed, and as usual, we got many folks as congregation. As I stood, at the ancestors altar and gave them white candles for their ancestors, I physically felt the altar charging up with each candle and prayer spoke. I stepped out of the area to cool down, the “ritual” hadn’t even begun, and I stood there feeling every emotion that was brought through like when I was priestess of the Gnostic mass and sat on the altar during communion. The night progressed further, and I remember two very important things, one was walking past a girl who had never come to a Vodou celebration, and she said,” I can’t help but to dance, I never dance at circles, I am a drummer”. I was giving offerings to the congregants and drummers, lit cigars that were previously sitting on the Gede Altar. Oh, I remember taking my first cigar from Kotter, and yelling, at whoever was with me at the time, that I wanted to smoke a “fucking cigar”. I wasn’t able to move my left side. Whoever was with me at the time, was gone in a flash and I was smoking my cigar. Next came rum, I remember taking Gede’s rum, but he kept handing it me with a closed top… I was like what the hell is this? So, I was offered an open bottle of homemade blackberry wine. That was good stuff… although at the time I think I said, “who the hell brings a knife to a gun fight… “, the night went on a little further, and I was black only a few moments, but knew I was being accompanied by a few visitors, never fully possessed. Finally the moment came that something was trying to depart and leave my body but was “trapped”, either by myself or it was almost ready to leave and couldn’t get out or know where to go next. I called to Greg and asked him to come to me, as he is always a comfort and grounds me, but in that instance, I suddenly said, “take me to Legba now”. He brought me to Legba, Rizard, who caught Lacy as she was walking by us, and I expelled every ounce of energy and breath from diaphram up and out. The moment I started, forcefully screaming, I wasn’t able to stop. I felt this tarry pole like it had been swallowed, move from my gut up and out. I don’t think it was repressed emotions now, at the time I contemplated it. I am not sure if it was a Gede, or an ancestor, or another LWA, in fact I don’t doubt that I will ever really know.

The experience I will never forget, and the revelation I took the next day, was that this year it is my lesson to learn that balance of being a horse and guiding the congregats experience of becoming a horse as well. I had not intended possession, in fact, I remember clearly, deciding to wear solid white, and to make it my duty to guide others as needed. I was reminded then as well the importance of community and trust in one another. Although that Greg is my husband, and has guided me many times through my life, it was our houngan rizard, Legba, that I knew I needed that moment, (and I then called for Greg right away afterwards… J). He told me the next day that he was moved to get the cigar I gifted him in July to blow smoke to dissipitate the rest of what lingered around me. It showed me that as a community we do back each other and take care of each other when we are called to do so. What I want to expand on is that during that moment, being able to guide the Gede through the circle and allowing it to move freely through and when one is touched and taken that it can be passed on freely to the next if the Gede choose. Although, it is a party and a celebration, and many get drunk from the rum, (but who are we to judge their personal celebration and honor of their loved ones), there are many more each year that are touched by the Gede, and this is the important moment that we look for. Every year, we have had such success, and they keep coming back to us year after year, and truly learn what the Gede have to teach! I realized the next day that I was wearing a black coat that night that I tried to remove several times but couldn’t get it off. I then saw as well, that bra I bought as I was leaving the store, was purple…